1. Holy shit it’s already the 20th?! How the fuck did that happen?

2. Work-splosion is how I’m going to describe my day.

3. Ear infections aren’t contagious? You’d think that as a medical professional I’d know that…but nope.

4. How is it that I get 3 new zits after washing my face? Really? I hate you world.

5. I saw a port-a-potty on the edge of a cemetery today, and all I could think was, “Um…guys…that’s really nice of you and all, but I don’t think they’ll be getting up to use the restroom any time soon.”

6. San….Fran….cis….co….

7. Also vodka.

1. Spring Break! WOO! (I’d lift up my shirt, but I’m pretty sure nobody wants to that).

2. Rock Chalk Jayhawk!

3. At what point, when a person gets so unbelievably beat down and frustrated, do they just explode?

1. I’m not a hot mess, just a mildly attractive mess that would look better with some make-up on.

2. REALLY?! I can’t utilize a staff meeting to suggest an idea to the staff without SOMEBODY getting offended?! For realz?! I quit. Forgive me for trying to make things easier for everybody.

3. OMG PLEASE BE VACATION NOW.

1.Seriously, how can you NOT love your neighbors when you stop by to say ‘Hi’, and you end up with 2 free cupcakes?!

2. I’ve heard some weird phrases today, and I wish I wrote them down. DAMMIT!

3. How can there be LESS crazy dance moms in Dallas, than in KC? I’m a little shocked.

4. Remind me not to wear this pair of underwear to work again. It apparently bunches in scrubs.

5. Well poo. If it’s been nice weather here in Kansas for the last two days, that means that tomorrow, (my one day off in forever), will probably be 20° and snowing. Also the apocalypse.

1. I have none! I did nothing all day but be on call, sleep, watch TV, eat, and sleep some more! BWAH HA HA HA HA!!!!

1. If a normal person gets slightly disgruntled after breaking a nail, then what happens when a coke-head breaks their pinky nail? A national travesty?

2. You know you feel old when, at 10pm, the gas station attendant says, “Oh, you going out tonight?”, and you’re like, “Uh…I’m on my way home”. (Bitch please).

3. Not that I like the smell of feet, but when I do smell feet, it gets me all melancholy. . It reminds me of dance. You just get used to stinky feet. And dancer’s feet are horrible looking. Ah…nostalgia.

4. Did everyone lose their significant others this week to Mass Effect 3? Just checking.

5. Who charges $58 for eye shadow?! I would never pay that much for make-up, but DAMN BITCH, that shit better have actual fucking fairy dust in it for $58!

6. Ah yes. You know you’ve arrived back in your home town of Topeka, Kansas when you’re greeted by the aroma of……gross wet potato chippy Frito Lay. (Bleh).

1. I’m just gonna have to ask that The Muppets be put on DVD like now. I’m really needing some adorably squished-up felt faces.

2. Apparently 1 person eating 1 cookie can piss off about a dozen people, very quickly.

3. Trying to not talk about the negative things that happened today….but it’s difficult.

4. Yup. Chef Boyardee Dinosaurs are my comfort food. I’m officially a child.

1. 2ce today, 2 completely different people, in different settings, mentioned peeing on someone’s pillow as a form of revenge. I know some weird people. Also, I write “twice” as “2ce”. Shut up, it’s totally a thing.

2. My 2 male coworkers have been really into guns lately. (For target shooting/hunting, nothing scary). Anywho, whenever they start talking about them AGAIN, I like to pretend they are talking about sex.
Examples: “The mini one has an extender you can attach”, “You know it’s in when you feel it click”. I find this hilarious.

3. I found out last night that my mother apparently had some money invested with a company, so I might be about $60,000 richer. (Say Wha?!) Which begs the question, “what the fuck should I do with that money?” What would you do with it?

1. Do you think it’s possible for a non-zombie to have sex with a zombie and not get infected? I know this causes all sort of questions regarding scenario, but I’d like to say that this would happen if the zombie one “wasn’t into biting”. Also, I think it would work if the male were non-zombie, and the female were the zombie. I have my reasons, but I’m not sure you want to know them.

2. Speaking of zombies. Do cow zombies sound the same as regular cows? I would think they would. Maybe they might sound like they’ve been smoking or something, but I think that overall it would be the same-ish sound on a See ‘n’ Say.

3. Who gets the awesome job of naming nail polish colors? Or lipstick colors? Some random employee? A color engineer? Do they rotate? Is there a job specifically for this? I need to know!

4. Apparently, asking for a nice dinner with your family IS too much ask for sometimes. (Stupid hospital).

5. Breaking my nail AFTER work on the way out to my car?! Really?! Not AT work? I need an emery board, STAT!

1. If my pets are fat, does that mean that I’m going to raise fat kids?

2. I took an ACLS (Advanced Cardiac Life Support) class today. Including the instructor, there were 5 of us. Me, and 4 other bigger, middle-aged EMT’s and Paramedics. All of the others were gruff-type guys who had all ridden motorcycles before, or were currently riders. My question is, why the correlation between EMS guys and bikes? Doesn’t that seem contradictory? (Also, the instructor was my father-in-law…bonus!)

3. I truly believe that clown noses make everything better. Well….funnier at least.

4. I would like to hang with the cast of SNL. I want to do a silly jig with Kristen Wiig. I want to talk KU Basketball with Jason Sudeikis. I want to see Taren Killams adorable baby/Cobie Smulders family pic. I want to sing silly songs with Andy Samberg. And most of all, I just want to hug Bobby Moynihan. He just looks so hugable!

5. Me? ACLS certified? Really?! Would YOU trust me with your life? Don’t worry, if you say no. I understand.

6. I love ending the day by watching cartoons. Who cares if I don’t have kids? I don’t!